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The Causes of Misbehavior
The toddler stage of young life is often associated with the "Terrible Twos," a stage when misbehavior and the sometimes extreme drive for independance is without a doubt a part of everyday life. Curiosity, physical discomfort, frustration, testing, and jealousy can all be causes of bad behavior during the second and third years of life.

During this stage of childhood, your toddler is just beginning to have control over his surroundings. Having just learned to walk, he can finally move around and explore on his own. Curiosity is a necessary state of mind for young children; without it, their learning would be almost stagnant. A child who pulls a cats tail may simply be trying to learn about his environment, not trying to cause harm to the animal. During this stage, children cannot exercise the kind of self-control that adults can. They cannot curb this learning-by-doing state of mind.

Physical discomfort is a big cause of misbehavior in toddlers that is often overlooked by parents. A tired toddler in need of a nap will often stomp and cry. This is his way of communicating to you that he has endured enough. Remember, he's not trying to make your life hard, and he cannot be expected to understand your needs and wants. He is simply practicing self-preservation in the best way that he knows how.

Frustrations abound early in development. The physical limitations of slow physical development and the limitations so frequently imposed by their parents only serve to accentuate the fact that their bodies are far behind their brains in their self-expectations. A toddler might become frustrated when he cannot stack blocks without them falling over or when his mother forces him to hold her hand while crossing the street. During this stage of seeking independance, the thought of being confined, whether it be to a slowly developing body or to an overbearing parent, is unbearable.

Another cause greatly affected by the toddler's desire to become more independant lies in that toddler testing his parents' limits. No matter how well-behaved, every toddler goes through a self-discovery period around 14-22 months. He realizes that his actions affect his environment and becomes increasingly aware of his own personal power. He has no choice but to explore this power. He must find out what he is capable of and what he can get away with.

Lastly, jealousy can be a major cause of misbehavior in toddlers when there is more than one child in the environment. This can be evident in a multi-child household or at school or play where more than one child are present. It is a common myth that well-adjusted and confident children will experience less jealousy when it comes to new siblings, friends, or sharing toys. The opposite is actually true. Well-adjusted and confident children have grown very close to their parents or care-takers, and they have high expectations. When their expectations fail, for instance, when they have to share Mom with the younger sibling or wait for a toy to become available to play with, they feel cheated, and they will let anyone who will listen know how they feel.

Providing Effective Discipline
Effecting good discipline on your toddler can be very hard, because it requires patience and consistency. Remember, discipline at this stage is not punishment. It is important to never provide painful, overly strict, or overly reactive discipline. By their very natures, toddlers cannot remember the rules that you lay down. They will need to be constantly reminded of your expectations of them. Toddlers will never be able to sit still for long periods of time or to control their impulses, and this type of behavior should not be expected of them.

First set your rules. Don't impose too many rules -- toddlers cannot remember them. Keep things simple. Don't impose circumstantial rules. For instance, don't teach your toddler that it is ok to go barefoot outside, but only in good weather. This will only serve to confuse the child and condemn him to failure. Stick to the rules that you set. If you withdraw one rule, the child will doubt the importance of the others. Using consistency and repetition is the only way that a parent can expect his or her toddler to correctly follow the rules that have been set.

Sticking to Your Rules
The obvious question after all of this is the question of how to deal with a toddler that fails in following a rule. It is important to identify the cause of the misbehavior before choosing how to deal with it. Obviously, a toddler who misbehaves because he is tired or hungry will not learn anything from being punished, except to learn that his parents do not care to meet his needs. A toddler who is punished for exercising his curiosity will learn not to explore and that learning is not important. For a toddler who is punished for acting out in jealousy, that punishment reinforces his mistaken belief that the object of his jealousy is more important that he himself. Choose your battles well, and choose your battle plan even more carefully.

For a child who misbehaves out of physical need, explain to him that you understand his need. Give him something to hold him over. If he is tired, let him take a nap, or go somewhere where he will be able to rest. For a hungry child, give him a snack if you cannot offer him a full meal at that time. To abate jealousy, have a talk about sharing and how important it is. Give him an example of how his parents share, then show him a few ways that he can share. Give him time with the object he desired, whether it be a toy or parent. Give a curious child something safe to explore. Give him something else to learn about that will take his mind off of the environment you have just taken him out of. For a child who is frustrated by his limitations, help him to overcome them. Show him something that he can do by himself. And lastly, for a child who misbehaves in order to test his own power or his parents' leniency, stand firm as to your rules. Reward him for following them by offering him a treat or a toy. Tell him plainly that the treat he is enjoying now was given to him because he followed a specific rule. When he breaks a rule, explain the rule again. Tell him why you imposed that rule, and explain the consequences of breaking the rule.